A Little Something for You

This is me.
It's been a long time & I'm sorry that you'll have to wait just a little bit longer.
So much has happened, I've become a complete wreck, but this is my post just saying that after tonight, I am yours.
Everyday I will post something because after 12:30 tomorrow I will be done with my first semester of actual college & I have like 8 papers to write before the morning & I cannot seem to get myself going. No motivation whatsoever despite the fact that I have so many things to look forward to.
I'm just so tired. I've been running on empty for weeks now & I'm reaching the end of my ability to function. But I will succeed because I am me.
I always survive.
Tomorrow it will be 13 weeks since I broke up with my ex & it's strange ... For me it still feels like it happened only a few weeks ago but it's been over 3 months ... Oh well.
So much to say & no time to say it. I just wanted to give you none existent people something. I'm also starting a Youtube channel sooo ... I have so much to look forward to. SO much.
Christmas is in a week too!!! GAH!!! All my friends are back in town & it's all so crazy.
The word also ends in 4 days sooo ... gotta live while I can!!!
Time to do one last thing before I crank out 25 billion papers ...
WISH ME LUCK!

1 Year Ago ...

I was in a show called My Fair Lady a year ago & it was probably one of the best experiences of my life. & just like I always do in a show, I formed a crush on one of the cast members. His name was Alex. Yes. Was. I just found out that he has passed away. I cannot begin to explain to you how hard this was to hear ... When I form a romantic feeling for a person, it never goes away. I wrote him so many poems, I have songs specifically for him in my mind. I still think about him every once in awhile. Of course he fell under the shadow of my falling in love, also as he showed no interest in me ... He, his mom, & his sister drove out to my house to drop off some things that I left at the theater. I was asleep when they did this. I never even got a chance to say good-bye. It's funny, I never really realized how often I think about him ... But I did a lot, & now even more so. I am hoping that I can make it to his memorial service if not his visitation or funeral. I want to be there for his sister and his mom because they were my family during that show & I miss them & I feel horrible that THIS is the reason why I am going to see them again. I just can't believe that he's gone. I just can't.

My 1st Day Off in a Looong Time

The best way to describe my day would be to tell you what time I woke up.
Well ... Okay, I FIRST woke up at 5:50am when my little sister's alarm went off & she had locked our door with the lock we need in case my brother has an episode.
So I had to get up to turn off the alarm clock, open the door for my dad & wake my little sister up, then I promptly hopped back into bed & slept until 12pm.
SOOO wonderful.
Then I got to do what my OCD wishes I could do everyday & took an hour long shower.
I cannot tell you how amazing that was.
... & that wraps up the wonderful parts of my day ... BUT, it was still great.
Tomorrow is going to be crazy, so I hope I get a chance to post, but if I don't, I don't think anyone will notice.
I also saw Julie & Julia for the first time & it was GREAT!

Ciao bellos!

Today SHOULD Have Sucked ... But It Didn't!

On Thursdays, I usually get to sleep in, because classes for me don't start until 1:30pm.
But today, I decided to get to school at 7:45am like always & work on homework because today A LOT of stuff was due. So I wrote my Midterm papers in 2 hours, & wrote a bunch of reflections & such & I got all homework that was due today done, but nothing that I'm behind on ... So now that I'm on my Fall Break which is just a 3 day weekend, I'm going to be partying & playing catch up.
My morning before I got to school sucked.
Mom ended up having a complete melt down on us which was ... horrible.
She's putting my dog down ... I understand why, but she's doing it for all the wrong reasons.
She also gave me a heart attack when she pounded on the bathroom door telling me I needed to clean up the dog's mess ... USUALLY if someone messes with my morning schedule, my entire day is ruined, but it wasn't.
Even listening to my dad & my brother duke it out over my brother's nearly all failing grades, or my little sister sobbing because she borrowed mom's hairbrush & lost it ... But I got to school, sat in my spot & got down to business.
It was so peaceful, no one even walked by or spoke or anything, so it was just me & my work.

It's things like that, that make me want to live by myself.
Before my ex-boyfriend, I saw my life going like this:
I'd go to my dream college (Concordia, Moorhead),
Study abroad in Italy and London,
Be involved in the radio, choirs, clubs, ensembles,
Graduate with my double major in Secondary English Education (Lit. & Comp.) & Music Education,
Get a job teaching at a high school (preferably S.P.C.P.A.),
Live in a small condo, just me, my books, my Yorkie Phidipedis,
Have a wonderful boyfriend,
Get married in a few years,
Have 2 kids,
Be a published writer/poet, own a jewelry store, write & record music,
& live a full & beautiful life.

I know, it's a lot, & I've already failed at some of them ...
Now my dreams?
Get him back. (I know, it's pathetic & whatever, but I don't care. I don't mean fight to get him back, I mean just ... I want to be with him again ...)
Take a photography class,
Take Latin & ASL,
Take jewelry classes,
Get the job at Build-A-Bear Workshop,
Find a way to either transfer to Concordia, or at least live on campus here,
Write music,
& find balance/control in my life.

Those are just for right now.

OH MY GOODNESS I FORGOT!!!
I HAVE MY OWN RADIO SHOW!!! It's called "Artsy Fartsy College Student"!
Basically, it's half my music, half my crafts. I'm even thinking about making another blog for it, or maybe just a Facebook page. I start next Thursday from 4pm-5pm. I am SO excited!

Well, today begins my vacation, so I shall post tomorrow!

Ciao bellos!

For All Those Awful Days ...

First Okay Day

Hey guys.
Today went pretty well, considering.
I got to school about 45 minutes like always & took a WONDERFUL nap on my Love Seat.
Then I had a Psychology exam that I think I did pretty well on.
I'd finished all my homework the night before, so I did some catching up, & helped some peeps with homework.
Then I blew the rest of my class out of the water in Music Skills. (I got 100% on our last test!)
Everyone else was confused, but I got it all! I'm so excited!!!
Then I had yoga which was wonderful & challenging like always.
Now I've finished all of One Tree Hill, & now I have to buckle down & do A LOT of homework tonight. BUT, after my night class tomorrow, I have a 3 day week end, so I'm excited for that.

I feel like I'm getting better slowly. It's been a really rough past 5 weeks since he left, but I can finally feel that crippling pain beginning to turn into strength, the strength that comes from complete & total agony. I cannot wait for it to kick in completely. Then the world better watch out.

I know now that I'm always going to love him. I've known that this whole time but ... now it feels real, as if this loss is a permanent part of my life. With all the other boys, I could tell deep down that one day I'd forget what it felt like to have feelings for them & it's true. I think back on every other boy I've ever had a crush on & I can't remember what it felt like. I can remember the anger, or the embarrassment, but I can't remember the ache that you get when someone is missing from your heart. He is missing, & I can feel where he used to be, where my heart used to sit. He didn't just take half of it, he took the whole thing. I'll bet he doesn't even know that. He was always kind of oblivious to how wonderful he is. I just wish he were happy. He deserves all the happiness in the world, he really does. I pray for him all the time, I send him my love & my thoughts, I hope that eventually that will be enough to help him feel better.

Well, I have SO much to do tonight and it's almost 10 ... Dear goodness.

Ciao bellos!

Taking My Life Back

So I've decided that I need to take control of my life again.
We sat in class today talking about how college is & everyone was talking about how easy it is, yet I am SO behind on everything. Which is mostly my fault.
Thus, I am re-claiming my life, because I've been spinning out of control.
Before all of this, I made a promise to myself after he broke up with me that I would make myself into a better person, which worked for a few days, but now I am stuck in this sink hole & I feel like a mess. No, I AM a mess.
But I have all my homework for tomorrow finished, so I am going to turn in early so I can get up & study some more for my exam for Psychology ... Ugh, this is all just so crazy.
So much to do & so little time.

My dad found this book at the library ... I thought it was too funny to not post on here, & I'm sure you're sick of the long messages about how messed up my life has become.

I know you are all waiting anxiously for the rest of my froggies, & I'll post all of that AFTER I catch up with my homework.

I think I'm going to change into my pajamas & sleep in my heavenly bed.

I'll try to post again tomorrow.

Ciao to those in a different time zone, & buonanotte bellos to those who can see the stars in the sky!

No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Day.

SO.
A lot has happened since the last time I posted.
Last Thursday was one of the worst days of my life.
It started out with getting my first ever speeding ticket ... well first ever anything ... I almost had to pay double & go to court because it was near a construction sight, though there was no one on the street, either way, I done goofed. I felt so terrible. I STILL feel so terrible that I could have endangered someone's life, just because I was in a hurry.
THEN, I had a meeting with my professor, which I was late to, found out that I have no family support in my own eyes & that other than that, I'm just about perfect except for money issues. Which is cool I guess.
THEN.
I was late getting to my surgeon for my botox injection, but got ridiculously lost because I thought I needed to go the oposite direction ... Another reason I should be single. I was an half hour late for that. It hurt. It hurt SO badly, I started crying & I had walked in crying & I cried all the way back to school, & I didn't get to finish my paper because I was running so late.
THEN.
Came the migraine from hell. Almost exactly a year ago, I had been on my way to my rehearsal for the show I was in (My Fair Lady at the Phipps theater in Hudson, Wisconsin), I went to Taco Bell for dinner, took a wrong turn, & got hopelessly lost. I couldn't think straight enough to turn around the pain was so bad, so I was an hour late for rehearsal that night & afterwards, I got home & my mom took me to the E.R. Well ... That migraine was NOTHING compared to the migraine I had on Thursday. I couldn't walk or breathe it was so bad. So after I made it through preliminary work on the midterm for my junior/senior class, I was taken to the E.R. once again, given the same meds & all that jazz.

So overall, that was the worst day I've had in a loooooooooooong time.

After all of that, I've fallen back into all of my old bad habits. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

I wake up every morning & I feel like I'm covered with bruises. There is this hole where he used to be. I miss him. More than I can imagine. Every time I close my eyes, I'm reminded f him, every time I sleep, or I laugh, or I do anything, there's a bit of him in it. I put everything I had into our relationship. Everything. It just wasn't enough to keep him.

I've started making jewelry again. I must say, it's really beginning to look good. I just need to find a way to take good pictures of my pieces so I can set up the rest of the website, or even just the Facebook page.

Well, as always, I have waaay too much work to do, so I shall post later.
Ciao bellos!

Another Hard Day

You know, I SWEAR I'm bipolar. I was fine all morning. I was productive, I revised my paper, I paid full attention in Psychology, nailed my Music Skills test (I think), went to yoga, but I got on the bus & I died.
I lost my purity rings. They're gone.
You have no idea how fluffing hard this is for me. When I forget to wear them I can't breathe.
Now ... I feel lost without them ...
I wouldn't say I'm materialistic, but there are certain items I cannot go without wearing.
They support me, they remind me who I am, everything I've gone through, & the strength I have.
So now I must search for replacements ... maybe ones that actually fit my fingers.
I got home & cleaned. I gave my dog a bath, folded laundry, but the second my family got home, I lost it.
I called my younger brother horrible names, I threw my little sister's things all over her bed, took things off the walls, & halfway through that process I realized what I was doing.
& I just stood there, the way  always do, back arched, & eyes buried in the edge of my bed, sobbing quietly, because I hate other people knowing I'm crying. It's easier over internet, just as everything is.
My first nervous break down of my official college career.
I am just ridiculously stressed & anytime I give in to my urges, I collapse. It's now almost 1 a.m. & I haven't done a stitch of homework since I got home.
I almost got into 2 car accidents tonight ... It doesn't help that I haven't been taking my medicine ... I think it might be a week since I took it now ... OOPS.

A few weeks ago I was angry because someone told me I was playing the victim ... well, I know now that I am.
Maybe I wasn't before, but I most certainly am now.
He is honestly all I can think about. I see a cute guy & I wonder how he would feel about him, what he would say ... I miss him. I want to drop off a Dr. Pepper at his house, but I don't know if I am strong enough to do that yet. Not without making a scene which is the last thing I want.
I've been writing poetry like crazy though. Mostly about him ... but like I said, my mind is on a loop.
"I'm ugly, I miss him, I love him, this hurts, I can't breathe, I'm getting fat, I'm failing all my classes, I won't get the job, I will be alone forever, I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, I love him. SO MUCH!!! I'm angry, I'm SO angry, I'm hurt, I'm stressed, I'm hurt, I can't breathe, I miss him, I love him."
24/7, that's all I hear from myself & it's pathetic. I am a pathetic excuse for a being.
So, I was going to work on my paper, but I can't see straight.

OH! On top of my fantastic problems, I am getting botox today!
Thought my jaw was better? Think again! I can barely chew, so I'm getting 3 muscles in my right jaw joint temporarily paralyzed because then I can also wear the rubber bands for my braces so I can finally get them off!!!

I turned in my resume to Build-A-Bear Workshop today ... My best friend told me that I basically have a job there because she's been promoting me & such. If I get this job, it's going to help me so much. SO much.

I just need to start taking my medicine again, get real sleep, & stop feeling bad for myself.
I am hot. Everyone tells me so & when I'm not in front of a mirror that goes passed my waist, I think so too. I just ... I hate my lower half. I always have & recently I'd been able to love it but ... I've not been myself, I haven't been taking care of myself so obviously I'm not going to look good.

To finish my long story from above, I fixed everything I took apart of my little sister's, & apologized to the both of them because they don't deserve any of that & my doing what I did, make me into my parents, which is the complete opposite of what I want to be.

I have a long way to go, a VERY long way to go, but I think I' might be okay. As long as I don't have anymore days like this, because I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Ciao bellos! Wish me luck today with everything.

Seasonal Depression!

Well, I think it's sufficient to say that seasonal depression is kicking my bum.
Today I thought about suicide for the first time in about a year.
Not seriously, so no need to worry, just ... I haven't been feeling myself.
I have to constantly filter myself, I am always holding back my opinion because I know that I will be hated or judged.
I HATE politics. I hate the fact that I'm not allowed to have my own opinion because everyone else is right, & I am obviously mistaken & ignorant & evil.
I'm just going to say this. I'm voting "Yes," on the marriage amendment. Not because I think that being homosexual is sinful because personally, I believe that God created people to be the way they are. Homosexuality is not a choice. Now I'm sure you're sitting here trying to understand how I can be oppressing people that I support.
I love & support them & believe they ought to have every legal right that a married couple would have, just not a "marriage" because I believe that is a sacrement for one male & one female.
The next argument you're thinking in your head is that it doesn't have to be done in a church, we need to separate the church from the state.
The issue I have with the law saying is it legal to marry a homosexual couple is that in doing so, that will then FORCE the Catholic Church to marry homosexual couples. It limits our religious freedom. I know that sounds hypothetical, but it will happen. Just as the oppression of the homosexual community is hypothetical but could easily be turned into a reality
So honestly, this is a battle between freedoms.
I don't want the world to think that I don't think they should be allowed to be together forever & have that acknowledged by the world because I do, it just can't be called marriage, because in doing that, then the government has its foot in the door to control religion & that is not right.

There, that is my rant on politics. Don't get me started on Pro-Abortion ...
I am Pro-Life, just to be clear, because I don't believe that ANYONE has the right to murder an innocent life, NO MATTER the circumstances.

GAH I'm turning into a political blogger ... Eesh.
Life is crazy & kicking me in the gut every time I turn around, I'm working off of 2 hours of sleep, & it's well passed my bedtime.
Here's to a better tomorrow!
OH! & I have spent MONTHS getting all my old music onto my new iPod & finally had it perfectly organized ... Then I accidentally said I wanted to sync it to my library ... over 1,000 songs are on a different computer ...
I've also been eating & shopping excessively ... I'm not even going to TELL you how much I have spent on food & stuff that is nice, but I don't really need ... As I said, I've not been myself.
I feel like I'm doing better though, so here's to a better tomorrow!
Buonanotte bellos! CIAO!

I LOVE Thrifting!

GAH! So my mum says, "Alicia, you need a winter coat." So we go to my favorite thrift store, we find no coats but instead I got ....

A fake leather jacket

(I tried to make a suave face ... BAHAHAHAHA!!!)

Supa' cute fake leather "boots"

(& by boots, I mean heels. No one in Minnesota calls these things boots)

5 movies that I got for $12 all together.

(Yoga Booty Ballet, High School Musical, The Suite Life of Zac & Cody, The Lizzie McGuire Movie, and Yoga Pilates Balance-ball)

Admit it. You're jealous.

THEN after having NO luck with coats there, we went to Goodwill. This was the closest thing to it ... So mom said no, but I bought it anyways. I am in love with this jacket. It's soooo comfy. It's the kind of jacket I always pictured my dream boyfriend would wear & he'd lend it to me & life would be beautiful ... But let's face it, that's not going to happen for me. & I'm cool with that, so I'm giving myself all I've ever wanted.

So that concludes my yesterday ... YES I know I have to post more froggies ... I may actually be on the verge of running out ... probably not ... I just have to LOOK for them now. ;)

Ciao for now loves!

OH & I've been putting my poetry up on my other blog!

Here's the link for those invisible people who read my blog (a.k.a. no one.)!

http://theprincessbehindthefrog23.blogspot.com/

Silly Break Ups

You know what the hardest part is?
Knowing it's not your fault.
I did everything I possibly could to hold on to him & he just let me go. Because he gave up, he didn't want us ... I'm so used to things being my fault that I never really thought about the fact that maybe someone just doesn't want to be with me ...
So instead of thinking about it, I pretend I never had a boyfriend. I act like I've been single for the past year-ish (I'm always in a relationship before it's official).
I make a fool of myself, I buy a leather jacket, I laugh, I dance, I buy movies, I write poetry, I make jewelry, & I make scarfs.
My new plan is to get back to where I started.
"Maybe" by Ingrid Michaelson is my new theme song.
& that all makes this easier to handle. Because as I've said 100 times before, sometimes people fall out of love.
Now to do dishes, watch the Lizzie McGuire movie & do my homework.
Here's to getting back to where I started from.

I'm REALLY Bad At This Aren't I?

Sooo ... It's been forever ...
I am very sick, & even more hurt but ... That's life isn't it?
You know, everyone says it's his loss but ... it's MY loss. It is! I MISS HIM!!!
Alright, I'm done.
Here are the nine I owe to people who probably don't even exist ... ;)
It's actually empowering to have blogs that no one reads. But really.

Froggies #13 A & B

Their names are Rock & Sock.

Clever, I know. ;)

These are my favorite socks EVER! I got them for Christmas last year. 

Lots of fantastic memories wrapped up in these beauties.

Froggy # 14

His name is Newton.

He was a gift from someone incredibly dear to me.

Froggy #15

MY TEA CUP!!! ... That I never use ...

Because I used my TARDIS one & it's almost completely ruined.

SO I admire it from its place with my books.

Froggy #16

This is Princeton.

My lovely best friend gave this to me with a book of coupons for our friendship.

ISN'T HE ADORABLE?!?!?!? I love him. 

Froggy #17

This is a wind chime! No name, but super cute!

He hangs on my lamp ... because then the light can go through to show off the lovely painting my sister & mother did.

Froggy #18

This little guy sit on top of my lamp.

I don't have a name for him, but he wears the ring I won at a friend's Princess party.

He used to wear these awesome sparkly star glasses but ... 

My rock star life style was too much for them. ;)

Froggy #19

This is Hopper, he used to have bunny ears but ... I had them removed ...

A present from my very best friend, after my surgery from a few years ago.

Cutie, no?

Froggy #20

I got this lovely lamp deal-io in my favorite place, Duluth, MN.

He's a little creepy though ... He'll turn on randomly & be only red when he's suposed to change colors ... So I took his batteries out.

Froggy #21

My Gran is the sweetest woman ever. 

She gave me this & another frog that I'm hoping to share tomorrow, for my graduation.

She knows how much I love frogs.

Anyways, it's time to make tea & FINALLY get to work ... I'm in for a rough night of work tonight. 

So I will leave you with this quote, "LOVE STINKS!!!"

Just kidding ... sort of ... It hurts like a mo-fo that's for sure.

Trust yourself. Don't fall, just don't do it. I know that sounds cynical, but I'm serious. LISTEN TO YOURSELF. If you don't ... You'll end up like me. ;)

The Many Faces of Pain

A week ago, my boyfriend & I broke up.

As I've said too many times to count in the past week, sometimes people fall out of love.

I took this picture shortly before he called me to end things. 

I knew it had been coming for a few days.

This one I took the day after. I had bought that t-shirt a few weeks before.

I don't regret it, in fact, I wore it to school. 

Because the truth is, love IS beautiful, & I still love him.

The next day someone sent me a link to the most romantic pictures ever.

I couldn't handle it the way I had all day.

But, I decided that sitting around feeling sorry for myself isn't going to do anything.

So I put on my best actress face & went for it.

& of course I had the StarKids to help me through it all.

"I can't get her out of my head & every time I look at her, I have these pains in my chest & I just know it's her fault, that BITCH!" -Ron AVPM

But with that, comes the fact that I need to find productive distractions.

So I've been working out everyday, & trying not to swear, or let my OCD get the best of me (which didn't work tonight).

Then again, one MUST find some male distractions.

This is William T. Riker. 

If you shave off the facial hair, you have one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen. *swoons* (But not really because ... ex-boyfriend ...)

Dreaming my life away as well as falling asleep whilst at the computer & stupid cat presses buttons ... I was very surprised by how well this turned out ...

I won't lie, when I'm upset & am not needed to be pretty, I pull on some yoga pants & my big sweaters & snuggle with my 1000000000000000000000000000000 stuffed animals.

Here I am today. I was proud, I hadn't given in to the ache until about an hour ago ...

I'm doing my best to be okay. I can convince the rest of the world I'm fine.

But at the end of the day, I still love him. It's okay if he doesn't feel the same way.

Because, I'm all about being a rebel. 

Heart break makes me an even bigger elephant in the room.

Because no one at my college wants to look me in the eyes & ask me if I'm okay.

Pain makes people uncomfortable.

Did you know that female tears are a chemical turn off for males?

Gotta love what we learn about in Psychology.

Ciao bellos!

I'll be chatting with you soon.

Last 3 Froggies Before I Can Stop Playing Catch Up

HA! I can fit this in before I actually start my homework.
Well ... okay ... I SHOULDN'T have ... but I do a lot of things I shouldn't.
OOPS!

Froggy #10

His name is Frodo. Because my older half brother gave it to me. 

A mini pillowpet ... DON'T JUDGE ME!!!

Froggy #11

You have met Mr. Froggy Face, now meet Jr. Froggy Face!

My favorite candy store recently reopened near my area & my mom raided their after Valentine's Day sale & got him for me!

I should probably get a full size picture ...

Isn't he the cutest? He's helped me through a lot.

MAYBE not as much as his big brother, but he's still my buddy.

Froggy #12

He hath no name.

He was given to me by one of the little girls I make balloons for.

She was a complete stranger, but she gave it to me. & I love hime for that.

Thus ends the tale of the girl who ran away & had to play catch up.
Now I can show you what I've been doing everyday for the past week or so.

Pure Froggies

So, I'm just going to skip the status check because this isn't the place.
I've been avoiding it for almost a week & I can avoid it some more.
SO I am up to ... oh goodness let me check.
12. Golly, well, here I go!

Froggy #1

This is my adorable snack box. I usually hold cough drops in it ... 

Unless my little sister steals all of them ...

P.S. He has no name. Any ideas?

Froggy #2

If I actually used this, it'd be fantastic, but I believe we got it from my 3rd Grandmother's house after she died ... But it's cute right? & It reminds me of her.

Froggy #3

MORE BATH ACCESSORIES!!! ... That I don't use ...

I'm more of a crank the heat, bar of soap, stand there in the heat forever.

Singing to blasting music to block out the noise of your mind ...

I can manage not to slip in the shower without the help of my froggy friends.

Froggy #4

Oh wait ... Another one? It's a tooth brush & tooth paste holder but ...

YES, I do brush my teeth, & YES I use tooth paste ... 

I just don't use this because I brush my teeth in the shower ... 

TMI? Probably ... OOPS!

Froggy #5

My dad got this for me. His name is Love.

He was hand carved in Arizona. Is he not the sweetest thing ever?

I wear him everyday.

Froggy #6

Handmade by my good friend Sarah. 

His name is Fredrick. SO cute.

Froggy #7

 I have a bunch of these ...
I can't bring myself to actually use them because they're so stinkin' cute.
No names yet ... I never really thought about giving them names ...
Hmmm ...

Froggy #8

His name is Ribbit ... Get it? Because he's got rabbit ears ...

No? Okay that's cool. I got him from the Easter Bunny. :)

Froggy #9

Yet another froggy without a name.

I'm truly a terrible frog lover ... Hmmm ...

But he sits on top of my dresser & keeps watch over my DVD collection.

Dang, that's all I have for right now ... I'm at school. 

I'll post the other 3 when I get the chance.

I have an interview tonight. I'm not really looking forward to it because it's homework.

I have to question a nun ... I'm ... Not sure how to feel about it.

WELL, this has been fun avoiding the elephant in MY room.

Ciao for now!

Can't Sleep

I ... I cannot sleep.
I've been up well passed midnight for the past few nights ... Because I love someone & he's shutting me out. Old school as he would say.
I cannot even begin to tell you. He's my everything & I ... I just ... I love with my whole heart when I do.
The thing is ... this is the time of year when I need people the most, & I feel like I have no one.
Seasonal Depression is the worst, it really is because it catches you by surprise & then kills you.
So I sit in front of my computer watching t.v. & playing games, talking to people who live across the ocean to distract me from the fact that I am so damn lonely I could cry ... Which I am doing.
As well as stuffing my face with Blue Corn Tortilla chips. I've almost eaten a whole bag.
Well, I'm off to sleep for a few hours before I have to go back to school.
I was really looking forward to ditching but ... I suck, & people get mad, & life is kicking me in the guts sooo ... I seriously need to go to bed so I stop sulking.

Here's what I look like when I feel my worst.

Buonanotte world, wish me luck.

Gone a Week?!?

Oh my.
This week has been crazy.
I started attending exercise classes & I am still sore for yoga sculpting with weights. So when I get home, I've been falling straight to sleep & playing catch up all night.
I am so tired & so upset about everything right now ... Oh well.
I have an audition today for an opera ... I haven't told anyone about it because I doubt I'll make it.
Everything seems to be falling down around me.

Here are 3 of the 5 I owe you. ;)

This is my new computer case! I've wanted it for MONTHS but I never got it & I finally did ... Still working on a name. 

I was thinking maybe Casey ... But I almost never give anything a girl name ...

Froggy earrings!!! My little sister gave them to me. No names either ... I love them though.

FREDRIC!!! My best friend Abbey gave him to me. 

He's special for me because she's gone off to college & I miss her like crazy.

This week has been a hard one, I won't lie. But, I've got people's backs no matter what & that's enough for me. I can handle anything as long as I have a purpose. I live for tomorrow & a day when I can see the sunshine in the rest of the world. I am just going to get better for all my troubles. I will work out everyday possible, I will get the hang of life in college & I will blow the world out of the water.

Just watch me. :)

4 the Love of Froggies!

What up homiezzz?!?
Just kidding. I am still ridiculously tired so this'll be another short one as I have much to do.
Life is one crazy brotha'. It's exciting, but messing me up.
Harshing my mellow people. Harshing my mellow.

This is Double A. He was a Christmas present from my younger brother.

My brother named him that because we both have "A"s for the first letter of our names.

I call him Douba because it has a better ring to it. ;)

I promise this week will have an epic post with many a picture once I can find a cord to get my camera connected to the computer. :) I wish you all the best!

Ciao!