Today went pretty well, considering.
I got to school about 45 minutes like always & took a WONDERFUL nap on my Love Seat.
Then I had a Psychology exam that I think I did pretty well on.
I'd finished all my homework the night before, so I did some catching up, & helped some peeps with homework.
Then I blew the rest of my class out of the water in Music Skills. (I got 100% on our last test!)
Everyone else was confused, but I got it all! I'm so excited!!!
Then I had yoga which was wonderful & challenging like always.
Now I've finished all of One Tree Hill, & now I have to buckle down & do A LOT of homework tonight. BUT, after my night class tomorrow, I have a 3 day week end, so I'm excited for that.
I feel like I'm getting better slowly. It's been a really rough past 5 weeks since he left, but I can finally feel that crippling pain beginning to turn into strength, the strength that comes from complete & total agony. I cannot wait for it to kick in completely. Then the world better watch out.
I know now that I'm always going to love him. I've known that this whole time but ... now it feels real, as if this loss is a permanent part of my life. With all the other boys, I could tell deep down that one day I'd forget what it felt like to have feelings for them & it's true. I think back on every other boy I've ever had a crush on & I can't remember what it felt like. I can remember the anger, or the embarrassment, but I can't remember the ache that you get when someone is missing from your heart. He is missing, & I can feel where he used to be, where my heart used to sit. He didn't just take half of it, he took the whole thing. I'll bet he doesn't even know that. He was always kind of oblivious to how wonderful he is. I just wish he were happy. He deserves all the happiness in the world, he really does. I pray for him all the time, I send him my love & my thoughts, I hope that eventually that will be enough to help him feel better.
Well, I have SO much to do tonight and it's almost 10 ... Dear goodness.
Ciao bellos!
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