The Darkness Is Closing In

I think the hardest part about it is knowing that I love him & he doesn't love me.
There's nothing to be done about it, no words that can make it change, but it hurts.
It hurts knowing that there is someone else who can make him feel the way I feel for him.
The way he never felt for me.
He may have once upon a time, but not the same way.
Never the same way.
He was my world, I was just his island.

Ian asked me if I could see myself dating him again.

What do I even say?
I've been clear. I've been more than clear.
How did this happen?
At what point did being a good friend translate into being interested in a relationship?

& no, it's not comparable to Isaac & I.
I told Isaac how I felt. Ian did not. I assumed, but he did not say.
I told Ian how I felt. Less than a month ago I told him I still had feelings for Isaac.
I did not make out with Ian.
I did not tell him I wanted to be with him & then talk about Isaac.

It's not the same.
Not even a little.

I won't lie to you, my little empty space of internet,
I'm in a very dark place & I don't think anyone really knows how dark.