Off

Have you ever felt wrong?
Not yourself?
Weird?
Off?

I feel that way when we haven't spoken, he & I.

It's ridiculous, because he said it.
He said we were done.

But I still hold on to hope.

It's dumb, I know.
I know I can "do better"
I know that there's "someone out there for me"

But I don't want it.

I want him.
I want him to open up to me.
I want him to be my friend & once we've found a common ground,
I want us to be more.

But SHOULD we.
THAT is the question.

I'm sure the answer is no.
I KNOW the answer is no.

But my entire being shouts yes & really, who am I to argue?

It's not in my hands.
It's never been in my hands.
It's all his.

& he'll never let me in, & he'll never let me see him.
He'll run away because he's afraid of not being enough when he's all I've ever wanted.
Never mind that I don't know him.

There's such a thing as kindred spirits.
There's such a thing as getting to know one another.

But he's either too cowardly or too lazy to try.

So I'll pick up the pieces & start my shit over again.
I'll be fine, but I'll be off for a while.

He'll always be tugging at my fucking heart.
Tug tug mother fucker.

Oh well.

One of these days my life will come together.
I'm only 21.
We'll find it.

Ciao for now!