Overly Dramatic Me Strikes Again

Okay.
Well my last post was a little over the top.

Of course he knows what pain is, he is 2013 me.
Of course he's a fucking idiot.
But of course I forgive him & of course I still care for him.

He won't open up to me.
I've laid my heart out in the open & he just left it there.
Which is fine, I guess, disappointing as fuck, sure, but it's his choice.

He's made the choice to walk away from what could have been great.
I hope one day he'll realize.
But until that day comes, we'll just be friends.

Which is honestly for the best, because emotions are for weenies.

In other news, I think this Erik guy is trying to hit it.

...

I'm not sure how I feel about it, to be completely honest.
I've known him for a long time & he's funny & smart & kind, but ...

Idk.

Having feelings for people other than Isaac is hard.
Having feelings after having them stomped on by Isaac is hard.

But there is all the time in the world to fixate on what feelings I may or may not eventually have.

I'm too fucking young to be worrying myself sick over someone who won't put in the effort.

THAT'S THE THING!!!
He couldn't be bothered.
I drove all the way out to see him, to talk with him,
He just complained about me being too far away.

Like I get it, my roommates are scary, but we don't have to just sit at home.
There's this whole world out there to explore.

He couldn't be bothered to tell me how he was feeling.
Ever.

So it's his loss.
I'm a fucking catch.

I just never knew what he was thinking, what he was feeling.

Unless he was horny.
Then I knew everything.
Which just makes me feel cheap.

I told him everything.
Every thought in my head.
Because I was drunk, but at least I said it.

At least I was genuine.

OH WELL

That's enough of that.

I'm recommitting myself to being a happier, healthier, me.
Damn self destructive tendencies.
Damn them straight to Hell.

... I say as it's well past midnight ...

I'm hopeless.

But I'll keep on hoping, it's all I can do.
One of these days I'll get it right.