Mistakes

I wrote Isaac a letter.
I know I'm an idiot. I'm MORE than aware of how much of an idiot I am.

(I'm going to apologize right now for any typos or shenanigans that happen in this post, I'm in the middle of getting hammered)

But anyways, I wrote him a letter telling him that I miss being his friend too & that I care about him, because I do.
I left out the fact that I'm still in love with him, I figured that wasn't necessary information.
Plus, I've said it a million times but I'm in love with who he used to be.
Lord knows, he's probably changed.

The worst bit is how I got his address.
Because although I could drive there with my eyes closed I don't actually know his address.

...

I Google Map-ed that shit.

...

I am insane.
But actually. I am crazy.

...

So I sent it. A real life friend request to the only person I shouldn't be friends with.

But here's the thing.
I needed closure.
Again.
Because he couldn't leave it very well alone & I can't either.
This was a horrible decision.

I can see it going one of 3 ways.

1. He reads it, understands that I'm 1000% crazy (yes I meant to type 1000% not 100%) & leave it be, probably laugh about it with his MLP collection *cringes*.

2. He reads it, contacts me, we are friends & eventually I'll do something stupid, he'll get moody & we'll stop being friends.

3. He reads it, contacts me, we are friends, we realize there's unresolved things, we date, I do something dumb, he gets moody & we break up & do this all over again.

None of these are pleasant endings but it's too late now.

He will have already received it or will be within the next few days.

OH MY GOODNESS!

Do you ever wonder if someone feels the same pull you do?
I wonder if he is drawn to me the way I feel drawn to him.
My heart has this tug, & it won't stop.
This constant ache for that ridiculous boy.
It pulls & pulls & pulls.

In other news, my car is a wreck again.
This day has been Hell.

This is my year to do stupid shit.
I tried being friends with Ian again.
I'm trying to be friends with Shaadiah again.
I'm trying to be friends with Isaac again.
I'm going to go bungee jumping, sky diving, cliff jumping, you name it, I'm going to do it.
Shit, I'm even going to go back to school so I can stop pretending that I am anything but a teacher.

You know who I really miss?
Collin.

I have no idea if I even told you about him but I met him over the summer & even though we only dated for a month he was the best guy I've ever dated.
Should he have told me he had to move when we started talking?
Sure.
But goodness he was perfect.

Oh well.

I'm going to go & continue to destroy my liver.

Ciao!