Passionless

I've just realized.
I have no passion for anything.
I feel like I might have said this before but ...
I don't care about anything.
Not about singing, not about writing, not about making jewelry, or reading, or anything even remotely productive.
All I want to do is sit here & watch T.V. until I die.
Actually, what I really want is oblivion.
I want to no longer exist.
Because then I won't have to ask myself the hard questions.
I won't have to face up to the fact that I am a failure.
I won't have to acknowledge the fact that I am living my worst nightmare.
I won't have to deal with the nagging in my head reminding me that all of this is my fault.
I just wouldn't exist.
It's all I want.
But it's not that simple. It's never that simple.
I went to the swings tonight ... It was the closest I've gotten to feeling anything in a long time.
But it wasn't enough.
It wasn't what it used to be.
I have no happiness.
I am passionless.