I am over Isaac, I can move on now but if I had to endure what Hazel (the main character) had to endure with her boyfriend Augustus, I would have responded the same way.
See, Isaac was my first love. Yes, I'd had one other boyfriend (if you can even really call him that), & countless other crushes who had broken my heart, but I love Isaac with a passion that is never going to be matched. I'm sure one day I may find a man whom I will love far more than I ever loved Isaac but ... It'll be different.
Love is a mysterious thing. It can be strong & stout for years to the outside eye, but truly be rotting at the core. Sometimes two people are just too different to make it work, despite having children & lives built around each other. The sex can be great & times can be good, but in the end if the base isn't sound, there isn't much that can be done. I'm seeing that with my parents right now. They've been fighting for the past 3 hours, only now have their voices calmed to a quiet murmur. I used to fear the day my parents got a divorce. Now I kind of hope for it. Not because I don't want them to be together, because I know they love each other, but because at some point, you have to be happy, & honestly I don't think my parents are happy. Sometimes love just isn't enough.
I wonder what God would have to say about that. What about when love isn't enough? In Sunday school I taught the children that love is all that matters, but what if you love the wrong person? What if you marry & have children with the person who isn't the right one? I know it happens all the time, but in the Catholic Church, divorce isn't an option. It makes you think long & hard about who you're going to pledge your life to. Because though you may think that love can fix all problems, sometimes love just isn't enough.
My best friend was engaged to a total tool. He emotionally abused her & forced her to push all her friends out of her life, including me. She & I have been best friends for 14 years. He was able to push me out. She knew he was a monster, but she loved him & went back to him every time he cheated or hurt her because of it. I think it was that whole situation that made me realize at last that love isn't enough every single time. It's probably why Isaac said goodbye all those months ago. Love just wasn't enough. We were indeed a mess, & I thought that if I loved him enough it would BE enough. I has myself convinced, but Isaac was (as always) one step ahead of me.
Although our break up broke me, there was nothing I needed more than to be broken. So I thank him for that more than any of the memories of our fights or our attempts at romance & depth. There was an afternoon we spent laying in his yard looking at the sky & the leaves overhead. He asked me to be philosophical & all I could muster up was a comment on the idea that we all see different colors & that we all actually have to same favorite color, we just have learned different names for the colors we see. Apparently that theory of us seeing colors differently has been proven so it was not philosophical & thinking back, that's how our relationship was. He wanted things one way & I never knew how to meet his expectations. Because love wasn't enough.
Okay, so this didn't really apply to the book, but the book was what triggered this whole rant. I guess the point is that love comes in all shapes & sizes & that at some point, we are all going to face it. Hazel found her love at 16 & lost it a few months later. I found my first encounter with love at 17 & also lost it in a few months. Just thinking about the love she encountered makes me think of all the love I see & feel in my life. All the pain I felt when Isaac left me & how I would feel now if he died. Because even though I am over him, I will always love him & if he died I don't know what I'd do. Even know I worry about him, his knee & his stomach. Because although love may not always be enough, it doesn't just disappear. Hazel will have her's until the which took Augustus takes her, & I will have mine until something takes me.
I have another rant that has more to do with the book. So we'll see if I take the time to get it all down.
Ciao for now.
