The First Time ...

It's incredibly interesting to see someone's reaction to first seeing my arms.
My roommate & one of my closest friends saw them for the first time up close, & her reaction was that of shock & concern.
I'm in a show currently where I get abused pretty badly & I've come home with bruises & stuff, so her first instinct was to take me to the doctor because she thought it was someone else.
Now, the mark that concerned her most was a pretty big one with a large scab.
I've told her about my O.C.D. & how in times of stress/distress it acts up a lot more.
She had no idea.
The funniest part about it was that I know she wanted to lecture me, but she'd heard me complain about my other roommate telling me that I have to stop.
I can't stop.
Maybe if I took the right medicine & lived in a world of happiness & rainbows, I could, but that doesn't exist.
My Great Aunt just died & I loved that woman more than many would know.
I'm pretty sure I made a post on here about her.
Her death took me down although no one could see it.
My internal pain then manifested itself in a need to pick my arms.
So I did.
It's just ... it's crazy to see people connect the dots.
I don't mind, honestly I find it very educational just to see how different people react.
Truly, if you need to pass judgement on me to make yourself feel better, please do.
I don't live my life for your benefit.
Maybe I internalize my stresses & pains for you but really, who doesn't?
We've been programmed to do that.
Sad as that is, it's true.
Anyways, I should REALLY be in bed ...
I don't sleep properly anymore.
If I thought what I did in the past was bad ... well ... Let's just say it's getting worse.
OH!
& love yourself, please.
I've been forgetting a lot recently.
Ciao!