Boredom

Do you ever find yourself getting bored by none other than yourself?
Because everyday just has felt commonplace.
Perhaps it's because I've only been going to rehearsal, but honestly I am incredibly bored.
I am sure it is also due to lack of sleep.
I just feel as though I am becoming complacent in my life & although that's not necessarily a bad thing, I am 20 years old.
The last thing I should be doing is becoming complacent.
I'm also sick ... which you know is fantastic.
Ugh.
I need to go to bed.
I work at 10 ... poop.
I've been trying really hard to be deep but my brain has been turning to mush.
Also, like I said yesterday, my bestie shuts it down with her never ending criticism.
But I love her more than words can say so I'll accept it.
Ugh.
To get ready for bed I go.
Yippee.
Ciao!

My Best Friend

I love my best friend, I do, but she does not understand a lot of things I love.
Hugs for one, however that is a complicated love now ...
Star Trek, Star Wars, Doctor Who, Sherlock, basically everything nerdy except for Harry Potter.
& real intellectual writing.
Which is something I really like to write.
She would much rather read some kinky fan-fiction than something that actually makes her think.
Which is fine, it's just ... she doesn't get it.
It was a rough draft, basically I just started writing & she was trying to critique my form.
I love her but she drives me crazy.
Also, her choice in music is honestly so bland I'm going to cry.
She also tries incredibly hard to appear like she doesn't care what anyone else thinks.
But ... If you don't care ... why do you try so hard?
She has this whole list in her head of things not to do because it makes you look "Basic" ...
But that's none of my business. ;)

Ugh.
I am in crush city which is the worst.
I think I'm doing well at not being too obvious.
Then again, I am myself so it's probably shameful.
Oh well, I've been far worse before.
I am also realizing how infantile my language is.
Just another thing to add to my list of things to work on.

Tomorrow is bowling with my Build-A-Bear family & I'm excited.
But I must go to bed.
Ciao!

The First Time ...

It's incredibly interesting to see someone's reaction to first seeing my arms.
My roommate & one of my closest friends saw them for the first time up close, & her reaction was that of shock & concern.
I'm in a show currently where I get abused pretty badly & I've come home with bruises & stuff, so her first instinct was to take me to the doctor because she thought it was someone else.
Now, the mark that concerned her most was a pretty big one with a large scab.
I've told her about my O.C.D. & how in times of stress/distress it acts up a lot more.
She had no idea.
The funniest part about it was that I know she wanted to lecture me, but she'd heard me complain about my other roommate telling me that I have to stop.
I can't stop.
Maybe if I took the right medicine & lived in a world of happiness & rainbows, I could, but that doesn't exist.
My Great Aunt just died & I loved that woman more than many would know.
I'm pretty sure I made a post on here about her.
Her death took me down although no one could see it.
My internal pain then manifested itself in a need to pick my arms.
So I did.
It's just ... it's crazy to see people connect the dots.
I don't mind, honestly I find it very educational just to see how different people react.
Truly, if you need to pass judgement on me to make yourself feel better, please do.
I don't live my life for your benefit.
Maybe I internalize my stresses & pains for you but really, who doesn't?
We've been programmed to do that.
Sad as that is, it's true.
Anyways, I should REALLY be in bed ...
I don't sleep properly anymore.
If I thought what I did in the past was bad ... well ... Let's just say it's getting worse.
OH!
& love yourself, please.
I've been forgetting a lot recently.
Ciao!