The Worst Part

You know what the worst part is? It's the fact that because we are the other children, our problems don't matter. I sat in the back seat of my car, as my mom talked with my beautiful cousin about the trouble of having special needs & ... They just ignored the fact that I have needs too. Maybe not special needs, but I have problems too. I sat there, listening to their discussion & I realized something, no one is ever going to notice my problems. The worst part about it, is that not only will they never notice, but I will never be able to say anything about it. I will never be able to relate to my mom on that level. I can only sit in the back of the car, listening as they talk about how no one will ever understand them, how hard it is to go through school with special needs. It's not that I can't speak out about my problems, I do, but it's the fact that what I say is not legitimate. The world will look & say yes, that's a problem, but forget about it until once again I reach the end of my rope & ask someone for help & then the world looks at me & asks itself, "That's STILL a problem?" & then they tell me to butch up.
I've been recently told that I play the victim. I cannot begin to explain to you how completely enraged that makes me. I am not a victim of my circumstance. If ANYONE tried to walk a day in my shoes, I doubt they'd be able to survive. Everyone has their own problems, you can't judge someone by looking at them, or even looking at the short part of their lives that you know. You just can't. No one knows my whole story, no one knows any one's whole story. So why do people decide that they are going to teach me how to function as a member of society? I don't need lessons. I don't need your help. I'm just asking for understanding. Because I get up everyday, no matter how much I am in, no matter how sick I feel, no matter how much I wish I could die, I get up & I put on my mask & I live. I wow my teachers with my eloquence & my energy. I make people smile, convince little children to love me, & make friends. Prove to the world that I am Alicia, & nothing can take me down. So just as a reference point. I don't need life lessons from someone who says I play the victim. I am no victim. I don't ask for you pity or for the world to be easy for me. All I need, & all WE need, is your understanding. Because we are the other children, the ones who are the wallpaper, those who never get the help we need. We don't need special treatment, just a little empathy.