The Many Faces of Pain

A week ago, my boyfriend & I broke up.

As I've said too many times to count in the past week, sometimes people fall out of love.

I took this picture shortly before he called me to end things. 

I knew it had been coming for a few days.

This one I took the day after. I had bought that t-shirt a few weeks before.

I don't regret it, in fact, I wore it to school. 

Because the truth is, love IS beautiful, & I still love him.

The next day someone sent me a link to the most romantic pictures ever.

I couldn't handle it the way I had all day.

But, I decided that sitting around feeling sorry for myself isn't going to do anything.

So I put on my best actress face & went for it.

& of course I had the StarKids to help me through it all.

"I can't get her out of my head & every time I look at her, I have these pains in my chest & I just know it's her fault, that BITCH!" -Ron AVPM

But with that, comes the fact that I need to find productive distractions.

So I've been working out everyday, & trying not to swear, or let my OCD get the best of me (which didn't work tonight).

Then again, one MUST find some male distractions.

This is William T. Riker. 

If you shave off the facial hair, you have one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen. *swoons* (But not really because ... ex-boyfriend ...)

Dreaming my life away as well as falling asleep whilst at the computer & stupid cat presses buttons ... I was very surprised by how well this turned out ...

I won't lie, when I'm upset & am not needed to be pretty, I pull on some yoga pants & my big sweaters & snuggle with my 1000000000000000000000000000000 stuffed animals.

Here I am today. I was proud, I hadn't given in to the ache until about an hour ago ...

I'm doing my best to be okay. I can convince the rest of the world I'm fine.

But at the end of the day, I still love him. It's okay if he doesn't feel the same way.

Because, I'm all about being a rebel. 

Heart break makes me an even bigger elephant in the room.

Because no one at my college wants to look me in the eyes & ask me if I'm okay.

Pain makes people uncomfortable.

Did you know that female tears are a chemical turn off for males?

Gotta love what we learn about in Psychology.

Ciao bellos!

I'll be chatting with you soon.

Last 3 Froggies Before I Can Stop Playing Catch Up

HA! I can fit this in before I actually start my homework.
Well ... okay ... I SHOULDN'T have ... but I do a lot of things I shouldn't.
OOPS!

Froggy #10

His name is Frodo. Because my older half brother gave it to me. 

A mini pillowpet ... DON'T JUDGE ME!!!

Froggy #11

You have met Mr. Froggy Face, now meet Jr. Froggy Face!

My favorite candy store recently reopened near my area & my mom raided their after Valentine's Day sale & got him for me!

I should probably get a full size picture ...

Isn't he the cutest? He's helped me through a lot.

MAYBE not as much as his big brother, but he's still my buddy.

Froggy #12

He hath no name.

He was given to me by one of the little girls I make balloons for.

She was a complete stranger, but she gave it to me. & I love hime for that.

Thus ends the tale of the girl who ran away & had to play catch up.
Now I can show you what I've been doing everyday for the past week or so.

Pure Froggies

So, I'm just going to skip the status check because this isn't the place.
I've been avoiding it for almost a week & I can avoid it some more.
SO I am up to ... oh goodness let me check.
12. Golly, well, here I go!

Froggy #1

This is my adorable snack box. I usually hold cough drops in it ... 

Unless my little sister steals all of them ...

P.S. He has no name. Any ideas?

Froggy #2

If I actually used this, it'd be fantastic, but I believe we got it from my 3rd Grandmother's house after she died ... But it's cute right? & It reminds me of her.

Froggy #3

MORE BATH ACCESSORIES!!! ... That I don't use ...

I'm more of a crank the heat, bar of soap, stand there in the heat forever.

Singing to blasting music to block out the noise of your mind ...

I can manage not to slip in the shower without the help of my froggy friends.

Froggy #4

Oh wait ... Another one? It's a tooth brush & tooth paste holder but ...

YES, I do brush my teeth, & YES I use tooth paste ... 

I just don't use this because I brush my teeth in the shower ... 

TMI? Probably ... OOPS!

Froggy #5

My dad got this for me. His name is Love.

He was hand carved in Arizona. Is he not the sweetest thing ever?

I wear him everyday.

Froggy #6

Handmade by my good friend Sarah. 

His name is Fredrick. SO cute.

Froggy #7

 I have a bunch of these ...
I can't bring myself to actually use them because they're so stinkin' cute.
No names yet ... I never really thought about giving them names ...
Hmmm ...

Froggy #8

His name is Ribbit ... Get it? Because he's got rabbit ears ...

No? Okay that's cool. I got him from the Easter Bunny. :)

Froggy #9

Yet another froggy without a name.

I'm truly a terrible frog lover ... Hmmm ...

But he sits on top of my dresser & keeps watch over my DVD collection.

Dang, that's all I have for right now ... I'm at school. 

I'll post the other 3 when I get the chance.

I have an interview tonight. I'm not really looking forward to it because it's homework.

I have to question a nun ... I'm ... Not sure how to feel about it.

WELL, this has been fun avoiding the elephant in MY room.

Ciao for now!

Can't Sleep

I ... I cannot sleep.
I've been up well passed midnight for the past few nights ... Because I love someone & he's shutting me out. Old school as he would say.
I cannot even begin to tell you. He's my everything & I ... I just ... I love with my whole heart when I do.
The thing is ... this is the time of year when I need people the most, & I feel like I have no one.
Seasonal Depression is the worst, it really is because it catches you by surprise & then kills you.
So I sit in front of my computer watching t.v. & playing games, talking to people who live across the ocean to distract me from the fact that I am so damn lonely I could cry ... Which I am doing.
As well as stuffing my face with Blue Corn Tortilla chips. I've almost eaten a whole bag.
Well, I'm off to sleep for a few hours before I have to go back to school.
I was really looking forward to ditching but ... I suck, & people get mad, & life is kicking me in the guts sooo ... I seriously need to go to bed so I stop sulking.

Here's what I look like when I feel my worst.

Buonanotte world, wish me luck.

Gone a Week?!?

Oh my.
This week has been crazy.
I started attending exercise classes & I am still sore for yoga sculpting with weights. So when I get home, I've been falling straight to sleep & playing catch up all night.
I am so tired & so upset about everything right now ... Oh well.
I have an audition today for an opera ... I haven't told anyone about it because I doubt I'll make it.
Everything seems to be falling down around me.

Here are 3 of the 5 I owe you. ;)

This is my new computer case! I've wanted it for MONTHS but I never got it & I finally did ... Still working on a name. 

I was thinking maybe Casey ... But I almost never give anything a girl name ...

Froggy earrings!!! My little sister gave them to me. No names either ... I love them though.

FREDRIC!!! My best friend Abbey gave him to me. 

He's special for me because she's gone off to college & I miss her like crazy.

This week has been a hard one, I won't lie. But, I've got people's backs no matter what & that's enough for me. I can handle anything as long as I have a purpose. I live for tomorrow & a day when I can see the sunshine in the rest of the world. I am just going to get better for all my troubles. I will work out everyday possible, I will get the hang of life in college & I will blow the world out of the water.

Just watch me. :)

4 the Love of Froggies!

What up homiezzz?!?
Just kidding. I am still ridiculously tired so this'll be another short one as I have much to do.
Life is one crazy brotha'. It's exciting, but messing me up.
Harshing my mellow people. Harshing my mellow.

This is Double A. He was a Christmas present from my younger brother.

My brother named him that because we both have "A"s for the first letter of our names.

I call him Douba because it has a better ring to it. ;)

I promise this week will have an epic post with many a picture once I can find a cord to get my camera connected to the computer. :) I wish you all the best!

Ciao!

Day 3 of Froggies!!!

Hey guys!
A super short post from me today. I was up at 6:30 a.m. to get to a lecture for my "Reflective Woman" class. It was SO boring ... I only remember the nuns saying the hardest part about being a nun is not being able to have sex ... It was insane.

So here is my froggy for the day! His name is Frogger.

I apologize for my appearance, I am so very very very tired I forgot to post this sooner so I already took out my contacts. 

Now you have seen the messy side of me. Congratulations! ;)

I will do the best I can to post a longer post tomorrow. I am as of right now too tired forever. 

Buonanotte bellos!

One Heck of a Day 2 of Frogs

Hey guys!
I have had one heck of a day.
I learned how to break into my house because I lost my keys.
I had to go home in between classes which is 30 minutes home & 30 minutes back.
I was supposed to let an inspector in to see the insolation we recently had put in the ceiling.
Shortly after I told him I couldn't get in the house & he left, I got into my house through my ninja skills. Now I can break inside anytime I need to. :)

After this week, I am so extremely tired. I've been falling asleep randomly everywhere. I took a 2 hour long nap this afternoon in the middle of playing with video games. If college is this tiring, I'm going to die. I have a class that not only conflicts with mandatory events but is 3:30 hours long. It's crazy. This class is also is made up of Juniors & Seniors ... I'm not going to lie, it's terrifying. I have so much homework.
But now, I am far too tired to continue being awake, so I will post tomorrow after yet another mandatory meeting for a class.

Ha, ha, made you sweat. I knew you were thinking, "WHAT?!? WHY NO FROGGY?!?!? IT'S IN THE TITLE FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!!".

Here is my very favorite froggy.

His name is Mr. Froggy Face I got him for Christmas almost 2 years ago. He was my Junior Finale date (Finale is prom at my school). He is my favorite snuggle buddy ... other than my boyfriend. ;) I love him to pieces. I take him almost everywhere. To the movies, to Illinois, & pretty much anytime I'm doing something fun. He is my love & my life. If I ever lost him ... I would be the single most unhappy girl on the face of this planet.

Well, until tomorrow!

Ciao, bellos!!!

The Worst Part

You know what the worst part is? It's the fact that because we are the other children, our problems don't matter. I sat in the back seat of my car, as my mom talked with my beautiful cousin about the trouble of having special needs & ... They just ignored the fact that I have needs too. Maybe not special needs, but I have problems too. I sat there, listening to their discussion & I realized something, no one is ever going to notice my problems. The worst part about it, is that not only will they never notice, but I will never be able to say anything about it. I will never be able to relate to my mom on that level. I can only sit in the back of the car, listening as they talk about how no one will ever understand them, how hard it is to go through school with special needs. It's not that I can't speak out about my problems, I do, but it's the fact that what I say is not legitimate. The world will look & say yes, that's a problem, but forget about it until once again I reach the end of my rope & ask someone for help & then the world looks at me & asks itself, "That's STILL a problem?" & then they tell me to butch up.
I've been recently told that I play the victim. I cannot begin to explain to you how completely enraged that makes me. I am not a victim of my circumstance. If ANYONE tried to walk a day in my shoes, I doubt they'd be able to survive. Everyone has their own problems, you can't judge someone by looking at them, or even looking at the short part of their lives that you know. You just can't. No one knows my whole story, no one knows any one's whole story. So why do people decide that they are going to teach me how to function as a member of society? I don't need lessons. I don't need your help. I'm just asking for understanding. Because I get up everyday, no matter how much I am in, no matter how sick I feel, no matter how much I wish I could die, I get up & I put on my mask & I live. I wow my teachers with my eloquence & my energy. I make people smile, convince little children to love me, & make friends. Prove to the world that I am Alicia, & nothing can take me down. So just as a reference point. I don't need life lessons from someone who says I play the victim. I am no victim. I don't ask for you pity or for the world to be easy for me. All I need, & all WE need, is your understanding. Because we are the other children, the ones who are the wallpaper, those who never get the help we need. We don't need special treatment, just a little empathy.

I'm a Katie Now!

Wow, long time to ... post?
The rest of my summer was insanely busy. I went to Illinois & shared a room with 7 cats for almost a week, supported my beautiful cousin, & had a lot of fun. I worked a lot more, & made a lot more ... & shopped a lot more ... & now here we are. I have completed the orientation, & had my first class! I also got into the St. Catherine Women's Choir. I've also made 3 new awesome friends. OH & I went to the State Fair for the first time with my friends only. Then I went again ... Life is crazy. ;) I've found my favorite spot to sit on campus, have dropped almost $300 here on books & my bus pass & I haven't even gotten all my books yet ... OOPS! As I said, life is crazy.

Here's a picture of me sitting in my favorite spot with the Chapel in the background.

I'll be honest, I really didn't want to go here, but now that I'm here, I actually kind of like it. Of course it's nothing compared to Concordia in Moorhead but ... What can you do? God has a plan for me, I just don't know what it is yet. I'll post more pictures later from my camera. 

I fixed my problems with my boyfriend & now things are pretty close to being perfect for me even though I've been too busy to really see anyone other than him ... LIFE IS CRAZY!!! I have been on campus for almost 12 hours a day & I commute, so I've been dying of exhaustion. I also got pneumonia for the first time 2 weeks ago on our short family vacation & even though I went to the doctor & got medicine & took it all like they said, I'm still not better. Which means I'm going to have to go back to the doctor. 

OH MY GOODNESS I FORGOT TO MENTION I WENT ON VACATION! Oh my, there's just too much to say for it to fit in with this post, so I will make another one just devoted to that ...

As of today, I will be posting a picture of one of my froggy items. 

Here's today's!

I got him from one of my very best friends Abbey.

He is a pencil case!!! EPIC RIGHT?!?!? His name is Mouth. I love him so very much.

Well that wraps it up for now, I don't think I'll have much more time to post today, college is crazy, just like life so we'll see where it takes us!

Ciao!