Hey There Stranger

So long time no chat.
I got another job ... & moved ...
You could say I've been busy & you would be so incredibly right.

Do you want to know what the worst part of mental illness is?
It's the fact it doesn't go away.
You can fight until you are blue in the face & it still will not be enough.
I'm realizing this.
I work so hard to be better, to lose weight, to improve upon myself, & day after day I fail.
What's the point?
What's the point when I know I'm not who I want to be, not who anyone wants me to be.
But there's this little voice that tells me that I'm better than everyone else.
I'm not. I KNOW I'm not.
I've been taught that I'm not my entire life.
& yet here I am being an asshole.
You just can't explain that.

I'm trying.
But of course who isn't.
I should've gone to been 2 hours ago.

I'm seriously considering going back to school in the fall.
But how?
How do I explain what happened?
How do I explain to the universe that I was too weak to fight back?
How do I even begin to start over?
I guess I just have to take it one day at a time.

Here's to hoping you hear from me in a day!