My Revelation

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!
At all.
In any way.
What I want in a guy.
If I even want a guy right now.
What I want to do for the rest of my life.
If I want to even go back to college.

I DON'T KNOW A DAMN THING!!!!
& THAT'S OKAY!!!!

Ciao for now.

Goals:

-Sleep schedule (in bed by 12 a.m. awake by 8 a.m.).
-Go to church as often as possible (always on Sundays).
-Do work out video everyday.
-Eat real food (i.e. salad, COOK food, etc.).
-Less obsessing over T.V. Shows (3 episodes a day tops).
-Take meds.
-Do at least one chore a day.

That seems like a good start right?
Sorry, I couldn't just leave it there.
Who knows, maybe I'll stick to this one.
I know no one reads this, but if anyone stumbles upon this, could you pray for me?
I need prayers.
Please.

Ciao for now.

Laying in the Wreckage

Guys.
I am so incredibly pathetic.
I don't love him.
I just ... AM THIRSTY!!!!!!
SO. FREAKING. THIRSTY.
For those of you who don't know that term, it means I have been single for over a year.
I miss boys.
I see a cute one & I lose my mind.
It's not that I need them.
Let's be real, I'm better off without them.
But I feel like I could move past everything if I had a chance to be in love again.
Love. I just really want to be in love again.
& here I am.
Laying in the wreckage.
I am an emotional mess.
I want to be okay guys.
I really really do.
Truth is, I'm lost.
Truth is, I'm not the girl I want to be.
No one else knows.
I keep making promises to myself, but I never keep them.
I look in the mirror & I hate myself.
But I love myself.
But I loath myself.
I haven't been to church in so long.
That's the biggest thing I think.
I've lost my way.
But I'm done.
Just done.
Ciao for now.