A Raid of Target

I know you are all thinking, "Does she ever stop shopping?!?"

... I'm not sure. I really haven't been feeling myself ... But ... It would seem I am becoming a girl for the first time in the course of my whole life. It's interesting ... I don't think I like it.

I would have loved this a lot more if it had a Frog on it, but I've decided that Owls & Frogs will be my thing as Owls go with Owl City.

These shoes could have been thrifted! I only paid $6 for them!!!

Clearance earrings that are ridiculously cute! For my growing collection.

I think at this time, I should short myself ... But I haven't paid that much for all I've bought. 

I LOVE SALES!!!!!!

But in all seriousness, I don't feel like myself. I haven't for a week now. My boyfriend is the one who is having to deal with it the most & I don't know how to help him. In the summer, I like to isolate myself, it's my time to figure out who I am going to be the next school year. How do I explain this to him? We're having so many issues & he's so far away.
Oh goodness, I am starting to blog about my relationship ... I'll stop now. Ciao!

My Neighbors Are WAY TO GREAT!!!

Sooo ... I went back to my neighbors' house because we were having a mini block party ... & they handed this to me after I spoke in the best British accent they've ever heard (due to the fact I watch WAY too much BBC & I am obsessed with the accents from the UK).

My question: WHEN DID I GET SO LUCKY?!?!?!?

Obsessed With Stuffed Animals

Yet another coping mechanism. Stuffed Animals. Maybe I'll take pictures of all of them, one a day, to show you how many I have. I love them. When I'm upset, I curl up with them & gather comfort from them. I have a few very special ones to me.

This new one, I am going to name Tom, after the character Tom Paris from Star Trek: Voyager.

I found him at a thrift store in Spring Lake Park. I saw him & died inside. I HAD to have him.

I Make Jewelry

Something that I use to focus & lock out all of my pain & anger & hatred. I channel it into creating jewelry. I start out with beads & clasps, sometimes I make my own pendants, other times I buy them. Like these.

When I finally make something of these specific beads I will post a photo, for now I'm working on sorting them & gathering ideas. It may take a while, but I'll get there. I have other finished pieces that I will show you when I get a better camera. I actually have a website on which I am going to be selling my pieces, I just have to get enough inventory to actually begin & keep it running. I'll keep you posted.

I Love Me Some Watermelon

I enjoy me some watermelon ...

... If you couldn't tell.

Tea Party Like Posh Brits!!!

So the other day I get a text from Sarah. "What to have a Tea Party?"

HECK TO THE YEAH!!!

 Me & my cuppa Irish Breakfast Tea. I'm obsessed.

My best friend Shaadiah's photo bomb. Isn't she beautiful?

& all my posh pretties with our pinkies up.

We have so much fun. Everyday. Of our wonderful lives. I am so lucky.

Whilst at the fabulous Tea Party, we had dinner & it was DELICIOUS!!!!!

In fact, it looked so good as well, I just HAD to take a picture of the dish. 

Tomato Tuna. YUM!!!

MUSGASM!!!

This was my garb for attending the Owl City concert tonight. I left in style in my Owl City Merchandise that I own WAY too much of.

 Speaking of which ... I bought the tour t-shirt ... 

The thing about Owl City, is that it IS what I listen to when I need to refresh. If something is wrong, I turn on Owl City. When I am happy, I turn on Owl City. ANYTIME. It is my go to music. Another coping mechanism. All I need to do is go some where quiet & calm & pop in my ear buds & ignore the world. It is the most wonderful feeling in the world. It MAY beat out orgasm ... I call it musgasm. Yeah, I'm clever.

I Love My Neighbors

Sooo ... today was a blast, but I'll tell you more about that in a later post. I want to show you the most amazing thing EVER!!!!! My neighbors have been having a garage sale & guess what my mom found!!!

For free. HOLY HUFFLEPUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Life is good.

I WENT SHOPPING!!!

Oh dear goodness me.
This has been one of my worst weeks ever.
My plans for a fabulous week of Prayer & Service has turned into a babysitting gig where the babies throw rocks & call me a bitch ... Lucky me right?
Well, I am slowly becoming a girl (or at least I'm having moments of girldom) so ... I went shopping.

I bought a Doctor Who mug that makes the TARDIS appear & disappear on different sides of the cup when a hot beverage is poured inside.

I also got my fourth ear piercing ... & A LOT of ear candy (a.k.a. ear cuffs). I love them.

This is Whole Living (if you can't read backwards as well as I can) which is my absolute FAVORITE magazine. I swear, I'm a middle aged woman on the inside ...

Of course, it couldn't be a girlish shopping spree if I hadn't bought shoes. I had a birthday gift card to Payless Shoe Store, so I went for it.

I cannot be a true hipster without a pair of these, so now I can step out into the streets & the world will know that I liked Owl City before it was cool.

Speaking of which, I will be attending an Owl City concert tomorrow. I am so very very very excited. I saw the concert last year as well, but I cannot help it. That is the music which takes all the pain & worry away.

As for a group of teenaged boys who will be freshmen in high school come the fall, tomorrow is my last day with them. I'll be glad to have it over, but I will miss the sunshine that it forced me to enjoy & the fun places we've been, helping to make me tan. Tomorrow will be a day filled with happy good-byes (which is rare for me), lazy river lounging, & alpine slides. I'm so excited!

I am also going to begin meditating. My pain therapist said it might help. 

I leave for Chicago on Sunday, until Thursday. I cannot wait to see my cousins! Lots of drama there, but well worth it.

When I return I will begin taking yoga at my YMCA. If I want to keep my body healthy, I am going to need more & more yoga type exercises. Plus, it will be fabulous for my mind, heart, & soul. I could use it.

Perhaps I will find time to chalk it out & show you what I do to work through my feelings when I can't talk to anyone else about them. Until tomorrow (I hope)! Ciao!

Oh Goodness ...

I ... am sooo fluffing tired I can't even BEGIN to tell you. I told you my week end. But I went to work, only to be told that they wanted me to come back in a hour ... my work is VERY precise & if any one thing goes wrong ... it gets messy, that's just how the company works. So I called my manager & so I'm hoping that's all fine but ... that means I got back a little bit ago instead of 3:20ish. So I have taken some down time, now to shower & begin cleaning my room. I am restarting my life tomorrow, so everything has to be perfect. Then I am off to have dinner with my friend Sarah's family & then, who knows? I'll probably do laundry & sleep. I made a TON of money this week which is fabulous, & I'm still getting graduation money. I hope to get my 4th ear piercing after Summer Blast, because you have to wait before you can go swimming & we'll be swimming at some of the amusement parks. SO excited GAH!!! I'll have LOTS of pictures to show you!

Childhood Nick Name: BREAK 'ER NOSE

I have, as of yesterday, broken my nose more times than Professor Dumbledore (which is 3 times to those who haven't read the Harry Potter books 100000000000000000000000000000000000000 times).

One band field trip in elementary school (I was a 6th grader) to the zoo was the 1st time. At that time hitting each other with our hair was the "in" thing. An acquaintance of mine & I went to do just that at the same time ... in the bat exhibit ... which was too dark for us to really know where each other was ... My poor nose met the side of her head ... I gushed blood for a hour ... she cried more than me over a 30 second head ache.

The 2nd time was in gym class in middle school. A silly girl ran straight into me ... & my poor large nose.

The last time was yesterday (obviously). I was in a rush to leave for camp, & I left my phone at home & got lost. I drove home & went to open my door quickly (because I was so pissed off & rushed) ... But the door moved faster than I did, so I got a screen door to the nose.

This ^ is the end result.

I hope you like my camp look. ;)

Off to church & then I must run to work. I'll be back with more fun stuff & MAYBE some of my jewelry to show you all. WHO KNOWS!!! ... I have a lo to do before tomorrow.

So Long!

Hello my friends!
I am off to camp for a crazy week end. I worked this morning (I'm a balloon artist), I'm off to camp with my little sister, then back to work at 5 until 8, eat dinner there, head back to camp, sleep, wake up, pack up, go to work, go home, go to church at 5. THEN I have Summer Blast ALL next week ... GAH!!! It's crazy, but I'm SO glad to be busy.

Ciao my friends, I'll be back tomorrow!

Thrifting on July 6th, 2012

Yesterday, I went thrifting & my sister who has a hearing deficiency found this while I was trying on a dress. I am a HUGE Doctor Who fan so obviously I bought it. $4. Best day EVER! :) 

This bag I found also. It's London ... I am a BIG fan of BBC in general, & the Olympics are there. It's also just SO DARN CUTE I couldn't help myself. $6. HECK TO THE YEAH!!! :)

Charlotte Russe boots. $6. I've been DYING to have boots like this. These are fabulous. I can wear them with skinny jeans! :) Goodness I am EXTREMELY HAPPY!!!

I bought the 2nd & 3rd Harry Potter books each for $6!
I also purchased gifts for my sister & my boyfriend. I'd give pictures, but it's rather pointless. ;)

The Elephant In The Room

There they sit,
Perfectly content to be with each other, no secrets to hide.
I can't be like them, I can't lay on top of someone else.
I can't let go & be happy.
Here I am, on a swing, miles away from them.
Back & forth, back & forth.
I am flying, then falling.
High, then low.
I can't have him,
I can see that clearly now.
He can't reach me I am too far gone,
He could never reach me.
Or maybe he could, but who would want to?
I have baggage, more than many can believe.
I am different.
I have no label, no group to belong to.
There are many of us,
But we don't know each other
Because we're always blending in.
Those with whom I share my secrets, they try to relate,
But they have no idea, none at all of what I go through.
It can't be explained with words,
Though many have tried.
There are books & articles, blogs & medical journals,
But those only skim the surface.
For all those words in all those pages have to be edited
& the truth begins to blend into the back ground,
& technical language takes up the space.
You can't edit these feelings,
Cannot change what this life is like.
My life is not a book that can be edited to make it better,
To make it easier to read.
They can't reach me,
I am too far away, in a place that no one knows the name of.
How I wish I could sit with them,
To just to talk about whatever I please.
I am not black & white,
I am the grey area.
You can't reach me.
I am forever moving,
Forever suffering,
Forever rejoicing.
You can't pin a name to me, I am no number.
I am no one,
But I am everyone.
Swinging back & forth, back & forth.
Trying to reach them but they are out of reach.
I can go & sit with them,
But I will only feel more isolated.
They couldn't hear me if I called out to them,
If I asked for help.
I am happy,
But I am drowning & there's nothing I can do.
So I get up & live my life.
You may try to judge me for the things I do,
You may try to shut me down.
But you couldn't find me in a crowd of people,
Nor could you pick me out of a sea of pain.
I am right in front of you,
But you'll never see me.
For I am weak but I am strong,
I am flawed, yet I am the best.
So you stay with them,
You enjoy the ability to be free.
Sit with her & fall for her,
Because you'll never fall for me.
I could go in circles for hours,
& still get to where I need to be,
& I may be alone, but there are many of me.
I have no label, no special group,
We duck under the covers of society.
No matter what you do,
No matter where you go, I'll still be here.
Always in sight,
But constantly out of reach.
I wish you could reach me,
I wish you could have me,
But I stay up here, swinging way up high,
Back & forth, back & forth.
Life will go on without you,
Because that's how the world works.
My world will spin without your adorable smile.
I am above, but I am below,
I am in bliss, but I am in agony.
You'll never know my full story,
but neither will I.
I am scared,
But I am the elephant in the room,
& you will never even know how many of us are here.


I wrote that poem in study hall in the first week of my senior year. I wrote it about last school year & a night when I was with people who I wanted to fit in with. We went to the park for lack of things to do. My grandma was dying in the hospital & I was on my knees that night. That was the night I realized that no matter how much I wanted to be with them, I never could. They had problems, & I know everyone has them, & I'm not trying to brush them aside, that's not the intent I had behind this poem. I have recently been reading a book called Being The Other One about the siblings of special needs children. Most people would not even think that that includes me, but it does. BOTH my younger siblings have special needs. I'm not writing this for anyone reading it, I'm writing this for me. It's hard for me to read that book because it's hard to believe that I'm not alone. Not in the normal way of, "OMG I'm all alone in the world, my life sucks!" I love my life. I have the most fun, but there are times when I realize that there are some people I will never truly bond with because they just don't see me. In the book they talk about how each & every one of the people in this book (it's a non-fiction book) feel like this. We slip under the radar, but it's there. I am an elephant in the room, no matter what others may say or think. We all suffer, but that doesn't mean that we all know what it's like. I'm not more hurt than anyone else, but my pain is harder to understand.

The Title

My title comes from a poem I wrote almost a year ago explaining how I feel about being a member of a special needs family. I will post it after this, I promise. It explains the way I feel, for there are many of us, we all live among everyone else & yet, we are different. No one notices or cares. It's not that they mean to, but that's just the way it is. It is hard for us to even reach out, to ask for help because we don't know what we need help with. It's hard to explain what it feels like. It's hard to ask for help too.

Introductions

Hello.
My name is Alicia. I am an 18 year old girl who has two younger siblings & a parent with special needs. Maybe not special needs in the sense that most think, but special needs none the less. This blog is in response to a book I was given to read by my brother's therapist called, Being The Other One: Growing Up with a Brother or Sister Who Has Special Needs by Kate Strohm. I started reading this book a year ago & have still yet to finish it because it's extremely difficult to read about people just like me who have lived the same way I have & describe exactly how I feel.
This blog is not going to be super heavy, it's not going to be depressing. This blog will be about how I cope with being surrounded by family members who struggle to function normally with their lives. I love them each & my siblings especially are growing & learning how to cope themselves. This is not a blog that is going to complain, or look down upon those with special needs, I personally believe that everyone is the same, we just have different obstacles to overcome. So, if you would like, follow me on my path to finding peace with the world I live in. Here's to the one's we love who have a harder life than anyone should have to live.